


Stormwind in the Altogether: A Hiker’s Guide

by JynnxeJones



Category: World of Warcraft
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, Other, Places to make out in Stormwind, Public Sex, Stormwind Daily Mail, newspaper
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-06
Updated: 2021-01-06
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:08:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 984
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28585470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JynnxeJones/pseuds/JynnxeJones
Summary: This week’s edition of “Stormwind Undercover” follows Lifestyles Reporter Jynnxe Jones on a tour of Stormwind’s most private places and out-of-the-way corners for the outdoor – and indoor – enthusiast.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Stormwind in the Altogether: A Hiker’s Guide

**Stormwind in the Altogether: A Hiker’s Guide**  
Jynnxe Jones, Staff Writer

It happens to everyone. You’re out with that special someone(s), you look into their eyes and you realize you need some alone time. Right now. Or maybe you’ve got a yen for some solo adventuring. And sure, you could go back to your place, but maybe you have a roomate and they keep complaining about the noise. Or maybe they object when you bring home take-out and don’t share. Or maybe you just like doing it under the stars. Whatever your preference, Stormwind probably has the spot for you.

Let’s start with the great outdoors, in the hills just past the Eastern Earthshrine, where with a short climb and a little poking around you’ll find plenty of secluded little pockets just the right size for a small group of close friends to spend quality time together with little likelihood of strangers barging in to spoil the fun. Make sure to pack some water, a light snack and maybe a little lube, just in case. My favourite spot out that way is a high meadow with two big trees, due east of the palace and high enough that it’s completely secluded. A word of warning – this one’s a tricky climb and it’s a long fall back down. That’s not a problem, but the sudden stop at the bottom is a bugger. So be careful up there.

The west edge of town has some equally pleasant spots to dally in, starting with the little shelf by the waterfall just below the south edge of the Lion’s Rest. It’s not as private as some might like (for others that’ll be part of the charm), and the fact that you can hear people above you on the walkway means they can hear you, too, if things get out of hand. But the grass is soft, it’s very pretty, and it’s a wonderful sensation to fall asleep afterwards with the stars above and the sound of the waterfall in your ears. Less wonderful is to wake up with a city guard poking you in the ass, trust me. So make sure you get out of there before sunrise.

Continuing on from there – and this is also a bit of a climb – there’s a high, forested terrace on the far side of the city wall where it wraps around the Mage Quarter. From the aforementioned waterfall, work your way around to the south, hugging the city wall (you’ll pass under the terrace behind the Slaughtered Lamb as you do this) and then climb the hill up above the city. You’ll want to remember that the two Mage Towers look down into this area, so unless you want to give someone a show – and hey, that’s fine, too – you might want to stay under the trees or close to the wall.

Of course you don’t have to go outside to have fun, although fresh air and exercise are good for you. There are several places with rooms for rent around town. Above the barber shop in the Trade District is always a good one, and there’s two rooms (one with two beds, always handy when trading places for Round Two) above the Gilded Rose, by the Auction House. The Stonehand Mining Co office in the Dwarven Quarter has a meeting room on the second floor that’s perfect for those days when what you really want is to be bent over a table, and there’s a house down the alley behind the Shady Lady off the canal with a _huuuuge_ bed that’s currently empty thanks to the zombies that were erupting all over Stormwind the last little while and still has yet to be rented out again.

On the other side of Dwarf Town, next to the Deep Run tram entrance, there’s a houseful of dwarves with a room upstairs that’s also for rent (and if you go, tell Thorfin I said ‘hi’). Or there’s the tram itself. It’s never very busy and there’s just enough time on the ride for everyone to get truly hot-and-bothered before it stops at Ironforge. Or you could walk it. There’s lots and lots and lots of lonely spots along the tramline in which to dally, including a lovely space with a beautiful view of the bottom of the ocean.

Feeling really adventurous? Look for the stairs to take you down to the Brawlpup, which isn’t nearly as busy now as it used to be and has some wonderfully dim-lit little booths and staff guaranteed to look the other way.

And since you’re up that way anyhow, why not pop by the Wollerton Stead for a little taste of country in the city? There’s a soft rug and a blazing fire, and all Farmer Wollerton asks is if you don’t mind if he watches discreetly through the door for a while. You won’t even know he’s there. The same isn’t true for the bunkhouse next door! They’re a randy bunch that live there and if they catch you doing it, it’s likely you’ll get rather more action than you meant to. Unless that’s your thing, of course, in which case, go crazy.

Finally, if you’re really looking for adventure, there’s always the catacombs. Stormwind has two of them, one under the Cathedral and the other under the Slaughtered Lamb in the Mage’s Quarter, and if you’ve ever fantasized about doing it in an empty coffin in a rumoured-to-be-demon-infested sub-sub-basement (and who hasn’t?) this is the place for you. My only advice – bring a nice, thick blanket. It'ss cold down there and the wood is splintery.

 _(With circulation in Stormwind City, Elwynn Forest, Duskshire, Northshire Abbey, Lakeshire, Ironforge, and wherever in Azeroth the good folk of Stormwind can be found, the_ Daily Mail _is Stormwind’s source for news you can trust. The_ Stormwind Daily Mail _is a proud member of the Azeroth Media Group.)_

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